‘Canta, lastimada mía…’
– Cervantes
aunque es tarde, es noche,
y tú no puedes.
Canta como si no pasara nada.
Nada pasa.
– Alejandra Pizarnik (1)
I have been feeling quite confused lately. Not only when it comes to this MA or my project , but in general; a deep feeling of uncertainty and emptiness that comes from within. I have realised that I am currently in a stage of life in which I feel truly lost. Inundated with ideas and desires on the one hand, but with no actual clue about the path I would like to pursue on the other. I do feel a little vertigo,as if I was free falling after being stuck in the clouds. I actually feel quite relieved after admitting that.
The truth is that I have been going through many different emotions during these past few months. I have also felt in many occasions like I wanted to go home, however, I do not really know where home is anymore… Perhaps I have stopped thinking of home as a place but more so as an experience or a person. Perhaps home was never a place to begin with.
This was one of the reasons why I wanted to focus on Gen Z, because we are “under construction”. After my research and interventions I have observed that these feelings are particularly predominant in diaspora and queer groups, which made me feel a bit less isolated and appreciate that there is a certain beauty within fluid identities. Thus my wish to explore Cuban heritage from different lenses and collaborate with people who might be going through a similar process.
I still feel like my research question is not fully there, and, of course, I do not know exactly what my goal is yet.
I do have some things clear in my head:
- Art is a major part of my project. It is the area that I would like to continue exploring in the future and where I would like to see myself career wise. On a more personal level, Art has always worked for me as a compass and it usually is what helps me gain clarity.
- I have narrowed down and researched a series of key words and concepts and I know what I have been exploring theoretically and physically . My key words are: Love, multidisciplinary art, collaboration, mixed media, fluid identity , diaspora, Gen Z and Cuban heritage.
- After having recently red some of Stuart Hall’s essays and Pierre Bourdieu’s Distinction : A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste (1979) I have come to the conclusion that I am interested in challenging elitist ideas of “good taste” by exploring the contrasting experience of diaspora (of Cuban diaspora in my case). This I have pointed out on some of my previous blog entries , specially in ‘In Defense of Mestizo Art‘ . But over the summer I think I have researched and developed it further, and I actually believe it has more weight on my project than I thought.
That being said, I still feel slightly desolated, and I’m okay with that. Within the chaos I look forward seeing how everything unfolds.
[1] ‘Sing, my suffering darling…’
— Cervantes
though it’s late, though it’s night,
and you are not able.
Sing as if nothing were wrong.
Nothing is wrong.